You May Not Know They Exist, But Those Who Listen to You Know Them All Too Well
In-person and online interactions are opportunities to see who you are talking to – and for them to see you talking. How you look and sound may be your most important message.
Habits like rattling change in your pocket, rolling your eyes or laughing over your words are distracting for listeners. Using curse words and being quarrelsome can be off-putting. Repetitive use of filler words such as “um”, “like”, “you know”, “literally” and “right” can bury your message under a pile deadwood.
Being aware of and avoiding bad habits can improve the quality of personal interactions, speaking performances and media interviews. More important, you increase the likelihood your intended message reaches and resonates with your audience.
Detecting Your Speech Tics
How do you know you are afflicted with bad speaking habits? Stand in front of a full-length mirror, watch yourself talk and record yourself speaking on video. What you see and hear is the real you speaking.
Some bad habits may be so deeply ingrained you don’t realize they exist – or appreciate how irritating they are for people listening to you.
The road to improvement begins by acknowledging your bad habits are, in fact, speaking flaws and not just vocal or physical quirks. Don’t fool yourself that “it’s just me being me” is a valid excuse for poor expression that can be costly when talking to a potential boss, an audience or a reporter.
Acknowledging flaws can be a painful first step, especially for people who see and wince at the same flaws in other people. It can be especially hard for younger people accustomed to seeing similar behavior on their online platforms. Remember, not everyone is on TikTok.
The improvement journey involves practicing, as often as necessary, to eliminate the speaking flaws you saw in the mirror and heard on your recording.
A Speech Coach Can Help
Improvement can be smoother with a friendly third-party coach who can flag flaws and suggest ways to overcome those flaws such as slowing down your speech, enunciating clearly and avoiding filler words. They also can coach you on maintaining eye contact, managing your posture and speaking in short sentences.
It may take vocal training to rid yourself of laughing over your words, swallowing your words and making clicking sounds.
Freeing yourself from your own speaking tics can be painful because it requires a level of self-awareness and self-determination that isn’t easy. To undergo change demands self-recognition you need to change. That’s not always easy to admit.
Marianna Swallow, who bills herself as a public speaking therapist, advises, “Becoming aware of these tics is half the battle, but what is the second half? Immediate feedback.” As Swallow explains, if you are a Valley girl that ends every sentence as if it’s a question, you may not know how to fix the problem.
“This means having someone watch you practice a speech and asking them to clap their hands every time they hear or see one of your tics,” Swallow says. “Say ‘like’ and they’ll clap. Rock back and forth on your feet: That’s another clap. This is a quick and effective way to train your mind to avoid those unconscious-yet-distracting behaviors.”
Another training trick Swallow recommends is wearing a rubber band on your wrist and snapping yourself every time you realize you have reverted to one of your tics. “Getting rid of tics is difficult and may take a while,” she explains. “By being self-aware and practicing your presentations with attentive friends, you’ll be confidently speaking in no time.”
Overcoming Self-Denial
Some people convince themselves they have jobs that don’t require flawless speech. That’s flawed thinking unless you are a monk working alone in a remote cave. Irritating speech flaws can affect casual conversations as well as major presentations. If you indulge your speech tics off the job, it’s hard to avoid them on the job and in any meaningful conversation with colleagues, clients or key contacts.
Most people have speech habits that can be annoying. Those bad habits can be amplified when you are tired, busy, sick or distracted. Self-awareness and self-respect are the best motivators to pursue speech improvement. People who speak well attract listeners, gain attention and earn respect.
People who are good writers can convince themselves they don’t have to be good speakers. It’s true, they don’t have to be. However, if they are precise in their word choice and sentence pacing, why not apply that same discipline to their speech? The written word and the spoken word can reach different audiences, all of whom have ears as well as eyes.
We live in an age of technology in which artificial intelligence is increasingly used by speech therapists to assess and treat speech impairments in children and adults. While AI tools can spiff up a speech, they haven’t reached a point where they can serve as speech coaches to correct bad speaking habits.
Luckily, that’s something speech coaches and friends can do. But you have to ask for help – and accept it when given. Somewhere down the line, you will be grateful. Those who must or choose to listen to you will be thankful.
